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  • Writer's pictureEvolve Therapy

Having an affair with your boss.

Updated: Jan 3, 2019

Ok, you are having an affair with your boss. Now what? Or, you are considering having an affair with your boss?

Believe it or not workplace affairs are the most common type of affair. So you are not alone. There is no need to shame yourself that you are doing it. Affairs are the great equalizer, every social strata engages in affairs; smart, rich, educated, uneducated, small companies as well as fortune 500′s are not affair-proof! I tell my clients “Affairs happen to everyone.” That said, you are either about to enter a world of complications or are already making your life complex. Few people actually go out and seek to have an affair. Usually affairs come as a big surprise to those that engage in them as well. I hear from my clients quite often that they had no intention of ever having an affair.

What to consider if you haven’t started the physical affair yet:

1. Does your company have an explicit policy against it? If so, you may be putting your job at risk. Even if your potential affair partner is your boss, you will be the one that usually will have to go. It just seems to work out that way. The person with the power generally stays, it is just the way things are.

2. You were hired for your skills, yet after the affair things can start things can get tricky. Your boss is still your boss and that means by virtue of the position the boss decides if you are due for the raise, the promotion, or worse yet, extra work or less work (Pretty tricky if you are on commission). Give some thought to the future. Remember things that start off hot generally cool down and what is left can get quite uncomfortable in these situations.

3. Remember that it is likely the affair will end, think about how you will feel about going to work and seeing your ex-affair partner that is your boss if your heart is broken. Yikes, pretty painful!

If your boss is married…

1. Remember that only 10% of affairs go on to be long-term relationships according to Shirley Glass of "Not just friends." The odds are that you are headed for a breakup eventually.

2. Is this your boss’ first affair? Is this yours? Remember that people that have serial affairs may have other things going on, such as an addiction, or a personality problem. Be careful.

If you still decide to go ahead with the affair…

1. Be mindful about who you tell at work, you don’t want to risk your job or future jobs at the same company or in your profession.

2. If you are married yourself and cheating, be aware of what was lacking in your relationship that you seeking. Have you talked to you loved one about what is lacking.

3. Therapy and couples counseling can be helpful to understand these issues.

What else do you think needs to be considered? Leave your suggestions in the comments.



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