What to expect:

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Relationship Counseling will help you focus on what you really want in the relationship instead of getting caught in a cycle of blaming and negativity. Bad things can happen in even the strongest relationships from affairs and addictions to devastating loss (job, family member death, trust), or betrayal. Trust can be rebuilt. Your Evolve counselor will help you focus on the underlying issues, emotions, and causes, instead of getting overwhelmed by the details and trapped in a negative cycle. We all want relationships of meaning and deep connection, which is why relationships can be so intense. Relationships can cause us both the greatest joy and the greatest sorrow. We will help you express your emotions in a safe environment, so that you will feel deeply heard and restore deep connection. Often couples never learned how to communicate effectively, manage anger, resolve conflicts productively, or to listen empathically to one another. Most people don’t recognize the role they play when a relationship is facing these problems. One person is rarely the problem; it is the relationship system or the relationship dance that is the problem.

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Questions to ask yourself:

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If the majority of your answers are yes, you might benefit from counseling as a couple:

• Are you having problems communicating with each other?
• Are you feeling misunderstood or that you and your feelings don’t matter?
• Do you feel that your partner no longer really “hears” you or cares?
• Are you not as close as you used to be?
• Are you so disconnected that all you are sharing is your day and what you plan to have for dinner?
• Do you have the same fights over and over and feel stuck or argue endlessly?
• Do you feel lonely because of poor communication and lack of connection?
• Do you believe your emotional needs are not being met?
• Is your relationship lacking or void of physical or emotional intimacy?
• Are you or your loved one totally consumed about discussing the kids and their activities or a busy work schedule rather that one another?
• Do you miss having close quality conversations? Or just the opposite, is your loved one suffocating you?
• Do you no longer spend quality time together nor enjoy it when you do?
• Do you feel unfulfilled in your marriage?

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Does marriage counseling work?

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Marital therapy gives couples the opportunity to hear their loved one in a brand new way. Once a person feels less defensive because they are being heard, they can then open themselves up to identify and understand their own contributions to the problems in the marriage. They discover things about themselves, and their partner that they never knew previously. Once couples start really hearing each other in session, then they can start applying this to their everyday lives. The couple starts noticing how things feel when they open up to each other and can start to ask for love and support more directly. The result is often deep connection and romance. Each marriage and relationship is different. Their is no one right way to do things, the key is to be able to negotiate it with your partner. A marriage counselor cannot tell you what is right or wrong for you. Only you and your partner can create it in the way that makes you feel close. Life can get rocky, emotional and turbulent, research indicates that people that are married and in long term relationships are healthier both physically and emotionally. Marriage counseling is well worth the feelings of connection and romance that can come back. You might just learn something about yourself and your loved one in the process.

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How to enhance the couples counseling process:

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To enhance your counseling experience it might be helpful for you to think about what you want from your relationship. You and your partner are two different people and your relationship is a third entity. What is good for one of you, may not be good for the relationship and vice versa. It is sometimes beneficial to think of this as a three legged stool. One leg represents each of you and one leg for the relationship. The stool needs all three legs to stand. As you enter counseling, think about what you can do to enhance the relationship leg.

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