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©2019 Evolve Counseling

Empowering Relationships. Inspiring Hope. Restoring Respect and Love in Relationships.

Minnetonka, Minnesota

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EVOLVE SPECIALTIES

OUT OF CONTROL SEXUAL BEHAVIORS

 

 Sex addiction & co-dependency  

For sex addicts, sexual compulsivity and out-of-control sexual behavior can include:
  • Compulsive or repetitive or multiple affairs

  • Porn, strip clubs, cybersex, phone sex

  • Prostitution

  • Anonymous sex

  • Sexual aversion

For partners, it can include:
  • Preoccupation with partner’s sexual behaviors

  • Badgering and begging your partner to stop

  • Working hard to make things look good

  • Ignoring yourself

  • Sexual codependency

  • Avoiding sex or giving in to sex just to please

  • Forgiveness cycling without change 

  • Difficulty concentrating

WHY SEEK COUNSELING?

  • Live a happy, fulfilled life 

  • Heal a broken relationship 

  • Forgive yourself or your partner

  • Strengthen your bond and restore love and respect for one another

  • Free yourself and your relationship from shame

  • Support one another in your relationship and as individuals

WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION?

Sex addiction is also known as sexual dependency, hyper-sexuality, compulsive sexual behavior or sexual compulsivity, or out-of-control sexual behaviors.  Sexual acting out can cause major problems in relationships. 

Do you have some of the problematic behaviors listed below?

  • Compulsive self-stimulation (masturbation)

  • Multiple affairs, this includes extra-marital affairs or flirting

  • Multiple one-night stands and sexual partners

  • Persistent use of pornography

  • Cybersex and cyber chatting

  • Prostitution

  • Sexual and emotional detachment with current partner

  • Guilt and shame after sexual encounters

  • Lack of control over sexual behaviors, even with financial, health, or relationship consequences.

  • Inability to resist sexual impulses

  • Increasing sexual behaviors after multiple attempts to stop

  • Increasing time spent on sexual activities, including recovery from a sexual experience

  • Increasing consequences in relationships

  • Rationalization of the problem and partner blame

WHAT IS SEXUAL CO-DEPENDENCY?

People in a relationship with someone with out of control sexual behaviors are affected and suffer. Sometimes this is called sexual co-dependency or co-dependency. Living with a personal that is out of control sexually causes harm to people who love them. While the relationship suffers, so does the affected partner who may compromise their own integrity and values due to fear of upsetting or being rejected by their partner.

The affected partner either consciously or unconsciously enables the sexual behaviors out of fear of judgement, social shame and the stigma attached to the behavior, and may actually perpetuate the problem. An unhealthy cycle emerges in the relationship and consumes both partners. 

To stop the sexual acting out, the partner often begs, bargains, offers sex, spies, snoops, becomes enraged, and uses any attempt to manipulate the involved partner to stop the behavior. Typically, sexual codependents or those involved with those with sexual compulsivity deny the problem initially and then can become preoccupied with it, mirroring the compulsive’s own preoccupation. Partners can become overly responsible by rescuing, making excuses, repeatedly forgiving and saving their partners from the consequences of the behavior. Eventually this creates anger, self-pity, resentment, sexual problems, isolation, anxiety, and depression.

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