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  • Writer's pictureEvolve Therapy

Is your partner is too needy?

Is your partner too needy? Do you sometimes feel like your partner is asking too much from you? Or are you overwhelmed by your loved one’s demands?

Pay attention to your feelings. Feeling overwhelmed tells you that your partner is asking more than you can give. This is not your partner’s problem — it is your problem. Usually this is a symptom of not taking care of oneself. Are you setting limits on your time? Are you working too much? Slow down and take a moment to figure out what is happening with you. Is your partner asking you for more emotional connectedness? Is that something you don’t know how to do? Couples therapy can help if you aren’t sure what to do.

John Bowlby, the famous attachment psychologist said, “There is no such thing as needy, only unmet needs.” We all have a need to turn to someone when we feel scared, lonely, sad or even joyful. When we have had experiences in our life when other people have responded to our needs appropriately, we quickly recover and are able to move forward.

In relationships when we haven't had those needs met, we then become worried about other people leaving us. This anxiety can cause people to act in ways we refer to as “needy.” It's usually in response to someone else’s avoidance or insecurity about what they want out of the relationship.

The “neediness” will disappear when needs are met. It is your responsibility as a partner to make the attempts to meet those needs or to set limits in a clear way of what you can and cannot give.


1 Comment

Mallory Jacobson
Sep 26, 2019

Love this blog! I own my own business and work from home so its easy for me to overwhelm myself and not manage my time well. I often neglect my partner or get snippy with him when this happens. Its a total wakeup call to realize that he's not being needy — I'm not giving him what he needs. Thank you!

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