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  • Writer's pictureEvolve Therapy

10 ways to be a better lover — tips for men.

What do women want sexually?

Most of the men that I work with want to understand their loved ones better. The first step is to find out her preferences, what she likes and dislikes. You can do this by asking her.

Tips to become a better lover, for men:

1. Women are different than men. Men can be very content just hanging out and being with his partner, watching TV, walking, driving etc. This shared activity is a type of intimacy that men are used to with their buddies. Women want interaction! Yup, that is face to face interaction which leads us to number 2.

2. Women love words and talking. Women view a heathy relationship as one in which there is talking and open communication. Even if there is conflict women tend to view things more positively if they can talk about it openly. Don’t forget the obvious here women love compliments and affirmations, who doesn’t?

3. Women think of sex as part of a close relationship. The media, television and the movies tends to confuse this issue. Most women that I work with that engage in sex without intimacy view it as unappealing and bad.That’s right, “casual sex” doesn’t work for the majority of women. My clients report feeling empty, bad and shameful afterwards.

4. Women want men focused, listening and paying attention. This is one of the most common compliments I hear; “He isn’t there” or “He is off in the Bahamas”, “Where is he?” PAY ATTENTION WHEN SHE IS TALKING! Give her attention. Here is a little extra tip, most women that have affairs report that they did it because their affair partner paid attention to her.

5. Women want to be taken seriously. If she says no, stop what you are doing. This goes especially for sexual behavior. If she doesn’t want sex right now you can still try to convince her but if she doesn’t like something you are doing such as blowing in her ear, then stop. Don’t belittle or shame her in front of others, nothing kills sex drive for women than not feeling safe.

6. Women want to talk more than men, especially after an argument. Something I see regularly is after a fight men want to have sex to reconnect and calm down. She doesn’t want to because the conflict isn’t resolved. Here is that difference again. Any words will do in this situation, rather than pretending that the fight didn’t happen. “Honey, I know we aren’t resolved yet but I would like to make love now”. This will go a long way to bridge the conflict gap.

7. Women are turned on by words, communication and connection NOT visually like men. Another difference! Seeing a naked female body is a real turn on for men, not so for women. Men’s sexual fantasies are much more visual than women’s. She might go to the strip club with her friends but it is more to be with them than to get aroused.

8. Women don’t want to be rushed. Women like foreplay and the afterglow. Touch her, caress her but do it gradually.Here is that attention thing again. Women generally want things to go slowly and gently.This is very different than the way the media portrays sex.

9. Women want men to talk about sex. In general, men request sex more than women but they rarely never communicate about it. I have worked with many couples that report they never talk about sex, at all.Period Can you see the irony here? If you miss her and have been thinking about how beautiful she is, tell her. If you liked something she did recently tell her that. TALK. Many women experience this lack of communication as a lack of caring or that her partner is withholding love and appreciation.

10. Women want to talk about sexual problems. Men are you paying attention? if there is a problem it is important to acknowledge and talk about it. If either of you are having problems with any part of your sexual life it is better to stop the silence.

In summary: women want men that are present, communicative, attentive and respectful. Your turn — what do you think can help a man become a better lover?

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